Too Much Anxiety

Day Three of my last semester and I'm still very anxious.

I wanted to take so many classes in order to learn more skills to help market and support my book. I kept telling myself, "I can take it, just push yourself. Do this, this, and this . . ."

Yet what's the point in trying to do it all if I can't do it well? Here's the funny part: this is my last semester and I only need ONE class to graduate. I wanted to be full time to accept my scholarship, but some people would not even worry about the extra money and just take the one class so it can be done already.

So today I dropped my video class. I wanted to learn how to make awesome videos, but I had a major conflict. There is a jogging class I wanted to take that's at the same time. When I talked to my video professor about this, he looked at me like I was crazy and said, "Jogging? You're thinking of dropping this for a jogging class?"

It does sound a little weird, but here's the reason: I still have one more chapter to write in my book. But I can't write it now because it hasn't happened yet. I started my book with the Beat the New Year 5K. Then I had a car accident that made it difficult to run. I worked very hard to run again, and now I need to prove to myself that I can do this same 5K again. And not just finish the 5K, but run it at my best. I'm at my best when I have structure and support; hence, a class is my best option.

So today I stopped listening to the voices in my head telling me to do it all and also stopped worrying about disappointing my professor. I think I'll send him an email explaining my situation--he still might not understand, but at least I can feel I did my best to communicate with him. I very much look forward to these next few months: finishing the final chapters of the two most intense projects of my life.