Nobody's Victim

Today I finished my 5th half marathon.  But it was a first for me--my first 13.1 miles in the rain, my first marathon without listening to music, my first race since my car accident in 2011.

That accident was one of the scariest things I've been through.  A distracted driver made a U-turn without yielding to me.  I can still feel the lingering injuries in my wrist and foot.

I was born with an accessory navicular bone in my right foot.  That means there's this extra bone sticking out near the insole.  During the accident, I sprained my ankle and jammed the bone, causing terrible pain at the slightest amount of pressure.

Even after the worst of the pain subsided, things weren't right.

Several months after the accident, I ran only 1/4 mile, at a slow pace, only to have pain shoot up the outside of my leg so sharply that I limped the rest of the night.

One night I was sobbing about this, feeling robbed of my joy.  Running had been my cure for depression.  It once even stopped me from going back to self-harm.  I didn't know how to handle life without it.

Not only could I not run, but I could still feel the pain in my foot.  I felt so helpless.  That night, with tears running down my face, I kept thinking of how I wished I had taken a different route home the morning of the accident, avoiding the uninsured driver who left me with a totaled car and painful injuries.

After finally acknowledging all my pain that night, I pledged to get myself some help.  In the next few days, I had an doctor's appointment, and was headed towards physical therapy.

The PT helped my ankle feel almost like nothing had happened.  Yet there was still the pain in my foot.  I still felt it in the morning as I stepped out of bed, but I wanted to be a marathoner again.

Recently I started scouting out the biggest, baddest hill in my neighborhood.  There is very little impact when you run uphill, helping me train without further injury.  I kept charging up that monster over and over, running up and walking down.

Today I ran the entire 13.1 miles of the half marathon, only stopping to get drinks from the volunteers and once to use the bathroom.

I was only about ten minutes slower than my fastest time.  And part of that was due to the cold and rain.  It rained every mile of this race, but I have never been so happy to be soaking wet.

And as far as training by running up a monster hill?  At the first mile of the half marathon, there is a hill that goes on for about a half mile or so.  I remember pushing myself up that hill in previous years.
Today, that was the easiest hill I have ever encountered, not just in this marathon, but at any point I can remember.

It is easy to remain a victim.  It is easy to attach ourselves to pain and feel there is no way out.  But with a fresh perspective, patience and determination, we can fly up the hills that once felt so steep.