Great Things to Come

I just gave my speech in public speaking class.

My alarm went off at sixty-thirty this morning despite practicing until midnight. As I dressed up hoping to look my best, I wondered if I gave myself enough time.

I had volunteered to give the first speech to inform with visual support. Most people would give PowerPoint presentations, but for my speech, I had a big painting I needed to carry halfway across campus.

I had to set this 24x36 inch painting down several times while walking. When I reached the English building, a smiling man carried it up the stairs for me.

I had made it to class on time with my large oil painting and heels. Now my heart raced as it was nearly time. The easel was far more rickety than I had thought it would be, and I tried not to visualize the painting crashing down in the middle of my presentation. But more than that, I wondered about the impact of my speech. I woke this morning feeling like maybe I had made a mistake--this subject was too dark and too personal.

I took deep breaths and reminded myself to project my voice. Then I told my story of the painting, while it stood on the skinny easel with a black cloth keeping it hidden. I talked about how I worked at an art store and had a customer ask me to paint her portrait, and when I arrived at her front door with my paints and brushes, I had to force myself to maintain eye contact, because I was so stunned by what I saw. I told them about the scars on her arms, and about how she trusted me to paint them, because I understood.

By the end of the speech, I had revealed my story of self-harm and the growing statistics. Then I pulled the drape off the painting, to show them the severity of her scars.

The painting is a conduit, showing the face of another model but the scars of the original. As I concluded my speech, so grateful that I could sit and listen for the remainder of class, my professor said this was making a step toward the showcase speakers.

After class my professor carried my painting back to the art building for me. He told me he wanted me to try out for the speech showcase on December 5.

I never thought I would participate in a speaking competition! I am so grateful for my class and the skills I'm learning. This means so much for me and for my book.