My First Aggies Game

Despite happening in February, I still think about the way I handled this . . .


My friend Heidi's an Aggie, a student at Utah State. However, I intended to go to my first Aggies basketball game with another person. I'll call him "Logan," because Logan, Utah is where we met.

I live 50 miles away from the city of Logan, but when Logan the person invited me to an Aggies basketball game, I was definitely willing to make the drive.


In fact, I was looking forward to it all week. I spent the afternoon making brownies because he had moved into a new apartment and I wanted to offer a house-warming gift. He planned to pick me up that evening at Heidi's house; my heart joyfully pounded as I ran up the cement stairs to her door, which was always unlocked--for some reason, her roommates never learned to lock a door. I called Logan to say I was ready.

"When's he coming?" Heidi asked, looking at my new outfit. "He's going to be happy to see you."

"Um, he didn't answer. He must be busy."

Five minutes went by. I called again; no answer. Ten minutes passed.

Heidi's friend, Megan, stopped by with a box of Scentsy candles. I took whiffs of "Enchanted Mist" and "Flirtatious" in hopes of distracting myself, but my mind kept racing over everything Logan and I planned: I'd drive to Heidi's house and call him when I got here, he'd pick me up and take me to the game. I even had Heidi's student i.d. card so I get through the door!

"My boyfriend's at the game," Megan said. "I can drop you off and you can sit with him."

Ten minutes later, I struggled to watch the ball moving back and forth across the court as I sat next to Megan's boyfriend. Logan still didn't answer me, even when I texted that I was at the game. Tears threatened to fall from the corners of my eyes, but it felt exponentially crueler if they fell in front of this kind stranger and his family. Besides, I'd spent all that extra time on my make-up.


"All this effort, for nothing," I thought. I had even listened to an Aggies game over the radio to prepare for tonight!

Actually, I realized, I had started listening to the game over the radio for preparation, but I continued to listen to it because I didn't want to stop. It was the first time I followed a sport over the radio, and although I knew little about basketball, as I listened, I began memorizing players' names and visualizing them on the court. They were playing in Hawaii and ended up winning after two overtimes.


At the very least, I know I have learned to savor new experiences, and that game over the radio is testament to that. Is this a small consolation to watching the game without Logan? Perhaps, but that game over the radio meant something to me. Never before would I picture myself adamently listening to a sport on the radio, but I had! As I reminded myself of this, the ball became clearer on the court; here I was, thinking about how I'd enjoyed that broadcast, and now I had the real thing in front of me! I put my silent phone down and paid attention.



When I walked back into Heidi's unlocked house, she turned from her school work, unhappy to find me still alone.


I looked down. "I just have one thing to say . . . "

"Yes," she asked worriedly.

". . . Utah State won the game!"


She laughed and hugged me. I knew Heidi already felt overwhelmed by a huge school project, so I did all I could to hold myself together. And doing that favor for her did me the biggest favor of all: I conquered my disappointment right there. It would be way too easy to crumble. Instead, I gave Heidi the brownies and she suggested I use her computer to take pictures. "Remind yourself that you are enough."





Years ago, an experience like this would have crushed me. Or rather, I would choose to be crushed. There are few things harder than taking emotional responsibilty, but looking back, I realize it was entirely in my power to either mope at the game or take power to enjoy it. As disappointed as I was, I was still capable of having fun.

I don't exactly know what happened with Logan that night, but I do believe he has had his share of heavy disappointments, too--disappointments more serious than what I felt that night. I do not want to excuse anyone mistreating me, but I also don't want to look at everything from a "why me?" stance. I've forgiven him. When I look back at this new experience, I may have felt a lot of disappointment, but I felt no shame.


http://www.utahstateaggies.com/sports/m-baskbl/ust-m-baskbl-body.html