My First Aggies Game

Despite happening in February, I still think about the way I handled this . . .


My friend Heidi's an Aggie, a student at Utah State. However, I intended to go to my first Aggies basketball game with another person. I'll call him "Logan," because Logan, Utah is where we met.

I live 50 miles away from the city of Logan, but when Logan the person invited me to an Aggies basketball game, I was definitely willing to make the drive.


In fact, I was looking forward to it all week. I spent the afternoon making brownies because he had moved into a new apartment and I wanted to offer a house-warming gift. He planned to pick me up that evening at Heidi's house; my heart joyfully pounded as I ran up the cement stairs to her door, which was always unlocked--for some reason, her roommates never learned to lock a door. I called Logan to say I was ready.

"When's he coming?" Heidi asked, looking at my new outfit. "He's going to be happy to see you."

"Um, he didn't answer. He must be busy."

Five minutes went by. I called again; no answer. Ten minutes passed.

Heidi's friend, Megan, stopped by with a box of Scentsy candles. I took whiffs of "Enchanted Mist" and "Flirtatious" in hopes of distracting myself, but my mind kept racing over everything Logan and I planned: I'd drive to Heidi's house and call him when I got here, he'd pick me up and take me to the game. I even had Heidi's student i.d. card so I get through the door!

"My boyfriend's at the game," Megan said. "I can drop you off and you can sit with him."

Ten minutes later, I struggled to watch the ball moving back and forth across the court as I sat next to Megan's boyfriend. Logan still didn't answer me, even when I texted that I was at the game. Tears threatened to fall from the corners of my eyes, but it felt exponentially crueler if they fell in front of this kind stranger and his family. Besides, I'd spent all that extra time on my make-up.


"All this effort, for nothing," I thought. I had even listened to an Aggies game over the radio to prepare for tonight!

Actually, I realized, I had started listening to the game over the radio for preparation, but I continued to listen to it because I didn't want to stop. It was the first time I followed a sport over the radio, and although I knew little about basketball, as I listened, I began memorizing players' names and visualizing them on the court. They were playing in Hawaii and ended up winning after two overtimes.


At the very least, I know I have learned to savor new experiences, and that game over the radio is testament to that. Is this a small consolation to watching the game without Logan? Perhaps, but that game over the radio meant something to me. Never before would I picture myself adamently listening to a sport on the radio, but I had! As I reminded myself of this, the ball became clearer on the court; here I was, thinking about how I'd enjoyed that broadcast, and now I had the real thing in front of me! I put my silent phone down and paid attention.



When I walked back into Heidi's unlocked house, she turned from her school work, unhappy to find me still alone.


I looked down. "I just have one thing to say . . . "

"Yes," she asked worriedly.

". . . Utah State won the game!"


She laughed and hugged me. I knew Heidi already felt overwhelmed by a huge school project, so I did all I could to hold myself together. And doing that favor for her did me the biggest favor of all: I conquered my disappointment right there. It would be way too easy to crumble. Instead, I gave Heidi the brownies and she suggested I use her computer to take pictures. "Remind yourself that you are enough."





Years ago, an experience like this would have crushed me. Or rather, I would choose to be crushed. There are few things harder than taking emotional responsibilty, but looking back, I realize it was entirely in my power to either mope at the game or take power to enjoy it. As disappointed as I was, I was still capable of having fun.

I don't exactly know what happened with Logan that night, but I do believe he has had his share of heavy disappointments, too--disappointments more serious than what I felt that night. I do not want to excuse anyone mistreating me, but I also don't want to look at everything from a "why me?" stance. I've forgiven him. When I look back at this new experience, I may have felt a lot of disappointment, but I felt no shame.


http://www.utahstateaggies.com/sports/m-baskbl/ust-m-baskbl-body.html

The Incubation Period is Over

First I will say, my book about doing something new every week for a year is written.

Second, the book will need to be re-written NINETY or so times before I will ever see it published. Whether through a publishing house or vanity press, or even a crude stack of 8.5x11 paper I sell to friends, I am not finished until that day comes. Writing a book is more work than I ever imagined, but that is what brings me back . . .

The sudden inspiration . . .

On December 31, 2008, I received the sudden inspiration to do something new each week of the approaching year. On December 31, 2009, I completed my goal by running the same 5K that started the book, only this time in a bikini in the 30° snow-covered park. Who knew that the first time I wore a bikini I’d also be wearing a scarf.


The book that changed my life . . .


In 2010, I was on such a high from completing my goal, I thought, Why not do this two years IN A ROW and make a sequel to my book? The only problem with that? It would have been a really bad sequel. Kind of like when I watched The Neverending Story II as a child; I couldn’t do that to myself. The first book changed my life. The second book didn’t, so in May 2010, when I tried to write my name with a red Sharpie precariously gripped between my toes, I knew it was time to stop.

I haven’t stopped embracing new experiences though, nor has the desire to share them stopped. And this empty blog makes me wonder if anyone who followed it thinks I ran that 5K again and died from hypothermia shortly after crossing the finish line.

I see three reasons to blog again:

1. The blog itself. Probably a good idea for someone who’s working on a book.

2. 2011 new experiences. I don’t need one strictly every week—I already did that. The regularity is not as important as embracing the opportunity when it presents itself.

3. The original book. I’ve thought of it as just “sitting there” since I finished it in December of 2010, but it’s been incubating, growing if only in my mind, and this blog will help me make concrete developments.

This is a place to record, reflect, and revise—maybe even post a chapter or two from the original book. The incubation period is ending, the back burner has done its job, and it’s time to start writing again.

But We're Never Gonna Survive Unless We Are a Little Crazy

At no point in my twenty-seven years on earth have I worn a bikini. My older sister gave me a little top with some boy shorts once; they sat in my dresser drawer. It was out of my comfort zone to wear anything less than a one piece swimming suit, being raised quite modestly in that respect. I never thought my first experience wearing a bikini would be in the middle of winter while running a Beat the New Year 5K close to midnight.

A year ago I started the race that would completely change my life. It was this 5K, held every year on New Year's Eve, which led me to do something new every week of 2009. It was the preparation for it in 2008 which laid the foundation for no longer feeling doomed to be a victim. The discipline and rewards from running led me to see myself differently and realize how much we are capable of becoming, and it is this realization echoed throughout my year which led to the natural conclusion to end the year as I had started, running the exact same race. The only problem was a 5K was no longer something new, and it had to be new in order for me to succeed in my goal. Enter the bikini. Most races require standard running attire, but this particular Beat the New Year 5K encourages runners to dress up (or dress down if you dare). So now the only question was, why not? Honestly, how did you expect me to end my book? By playing a new video game? Wearing mismatched socks? No, there was far too much effort and imagination put into every week in 2009 for me to end without a bang. I needed to do something that both fit within my concept and held its own shock value.

But wait, what about hypothermia and frostbite, you ask. I had a plan for that. There would come one problem, however, I did not anticipate.

Before I tell you about that, I had the task of finding a bikini. I didn't want to wear what my older sister gave me seven or so years ago because the boys shorts felt like cheating. Sure, it is a two-piece suit but it's not what comes to mind when hearing the word 'bikini.' I needed the authentic vision. My sister Tiffani, who had her part in fourteen entire weeks with me this year, let me borrow hers. She advised me to wear the boy shorts instead, but it was too late; I knew what I wanted to do.

And I did have a plan. After running this race a year ago and seeing a girl not much larger than me running in a red bikini and witnessing several guys in speedos, I knew this could be done without requiring a ride to the emergency room. Nevertheless, I didn't want to be foolhardy. Tiffani told me of a guy on her high school cross country team who caught hypothermia during a race, and that was during the day, not close to midnight like my crazy pack of runners.

The simplest answer in my opinion was to give myself enough time to transition between winter running attire and swimwear. By arriving forty-five minutes early, there was plenty of time to register with the other runners, begin walking and jogging and building heat, then slowly, conscientiously, remove layers.

When I was down to nothing more than the bikini, socks and shoes, and a scarf, I was surprised by how well my body was taking the cold. There were a few other runners in hardly any clothing this year, including a man with no shoes. Can you imagine going outside at night in the middle of winter and saying, "No thanks, just a pair of shorts will do." He ran the entire 3.1 miles barefoot.

People started to cheer, a signal the race had started. As I ran, the increased air against my stomach was a reminder of no longer being a sane member of society. Sure, perhaps I am a bit crazy to do this; perhaps crazy people have the most fun.

About halfway through the race, the problem I didn't expect occurred. Sometimes when I run I get the occasional side ache, but this is the first time it has happened during a race. Not the first I was hoping for! I slowed considerably while fighting this pain.

Looking back last year, I never stopped during the race. I decided I must not stop this year either. The cold might have had something to do with starting to cramp up, so I tried to relax my abdominal muscle and breathe through it, rather than against it.

Near the end of the race, the pain was gone, but so was some of my hope for beating the race in under a half hour. This race is set up to start a half an hour before midnight, and if you run the race in this time or less, you have "beat the new year." The finish line was quickly approaching when I saw flashing lights ahead. I thought, there I missed it. Yet I didn't let myself give up either. I had made it to this race, I was in a bikini, I had done something new every week in 2009. Was I going to bring in 2010 with a frown? Of course not. I pushed forward.

I saw some of my family members on the side cheering me on. I ran faster and without any pain. Just as I began to cross the finish line, I heard the countdown, "Five, four, three, two, one . . ." I hadn't missed the half-hour mark after all! The circumstance was the race started a few minutes late, so the New Year had already happened, but there was still a chance to "beat it." And I did that with about five seconds to spare.

What helped me most was my family cheering for me at the end. Seeing the amused and slightly bewildered smiles on their faces as I passed in a hot pink and white-sequined bikini was enough to push me forward. There is something about both the spectators and all these people who celebrate the new year by participating in a race, whether it was the guy dressed up as the banana being chased by the guy in the gorilla costume or the man who jumped in the snow when he finished, that is so life-affirming. And I did not get frostbite or hypothermia! Nor was I the least dressed there. You do feel a little crazy, until you look to your left.

I am so excited I have accomplished my goal. 2009 still passes with a flash, but I now have fifty-two new things I had never done. At this point I must push forward, not in the sense of my side ache but in a sense of duty, to work on this book and make sure, no matter what happens, I do the work to get it published. A year ago, I wasn't sure if I would be able to find a new experience every week. Now a part of me feels this same pressure regarding the steps ahead. But if I am feeling doubt at this point, all I have to do is stop and remind myself, "I ran 3.1 miles in winter wearing a bikini! Surely, I can anything I need to do in my life!"

Genuine

As this year is nearly over and I think more and more about writing the book (I have all the material!) I realize there will be multiple steps ahead of me, least of all editing my writing. A primary goal after this book is written is to inspire people to have more new experiences themselves. Of course there is the inevitable trial and error along the way, but that is part of what makes the experience genuine. I have often needed to change plans because something "fell through." Once I was forced to come up with a plan D. It can be hard to see as far as plan D! Yet the stretching of your vision can leave you seeing farther down the road than you were once capable.

More fell through recently. My brother and I did not go to the firing range this morning as we had planned because of a large snowstorm. Perhaps we will go tomorrow, perhaps not. I will run the crazy 5K no matter what, so I am not worried about anything, yet it is a reminder to me how flexible one needs to be in order to continually pursue this goal which has now lasted almost exactly one year.

When my plans have fallen through, I think this has helped the book become more interesting. After all, this is natural. It shows the authenticity of life being life and of my will not being able to bend it, but able to roll with it. I just realized, I will have to think of not only what I learned from my successes, but my failures as well.

Final Week of the Year

I can't believe I have only one week remaining before I have done at least one new thing every week of the year! This week will be a bit of a challenge. There are actually two things which I'll include in my book; previously if there was more than one thing, I chose between the two because I don't want to overwrite this book. However, this week, both new experiences pretty much belong, so there will be two this week.

For Christmas, my brother Mike visited from medical school a bordering state away. In my family of five children, the siblings draw names for gift giving. Mike got my name, which he kept secret until Christmas day. When I opened my gift, I found a porcelain doll that belonged to me about ten years ago wrapped in a cardboard box. Mike said, "Don't worry, that's just a decoy." Then there was a sheet of paper beneath with guns randomly printed in a cheap font. This was a message about his Christmas gift to come . . . taking me to a firing range. He had suggested this once as a new thing for me, and while he's still visiting, we will do this together.

My second thing will be to end the book exactly where I started: with the Beat the New Year 5k. Now of course, this is not new because by now I've ran 5Ks and even a full marathon, so this in itself does not fit with the book. So to modify the race to make it a new experience, I will be running it in a bikini. That's right, even in the winter at 11:30 at night. I have made preparations to help myself avoid frostbite and hypothermia. It will be an experience, no matter what happens. People tell me, "You're crazy!" I just tell them, "That's what I'm thinking." But I'm doing it anyway. What a way to end 2009--to finish it with a race just like I started it, only this time I'm sure I'll be a little bit colder. And then my goal has been completed! Joyfully on to the next step!

Random Acts of Kindness

I love the bumper sticker "Practice random acts of kindness and senseless beauty." On December 26, which is the second to the last week of the year and of course the week of Christmas, I found my fifty-first new experience. I wanted to do something giving, not only to go along with the holiday, but because I felt it would be a good addition to my book.

Originally I wanted to volunteer at a soup kitchen. It didn't work out and I knew it wouldn't because I didn't give myself enough time to plan ahead. All the soup kitchens I called were full of volunteers. So I came up with a plan b. My friend Heidi was visiting from California and told me she wanted to join me on this week's adventure.

We went to a nice fast food restaurant, ordered something tasty for ourselves, then each put down a ten dollar bill and told the cashier we'd like to pay for whoever comes after us. We were a little nervous because we didn't know if we'd even be allowed to do this. At least, I was a little nervous about it, even though it might sound ridiculous. The cashier just smiled and said, "You're so cute," and told us about someone who recently went through the drive through and said he wanted to pay for the people in the vehicle behind him; this couple consequently decided to pay for the couple behind them.

Even after the cashier's story, I guess I just pictured the next customers to walk inside the store, but it was a while before anyone came in and when they did, it was two men in business suits and we didn't notice any particular reaction. After we finished our own meal at about noon, we asked the cashier what had happened. The couple after us were in the drive through, which we hadn't considered probably because you typically don't think first about the people who are least visible. When they were told their meal had already been paid for, the cashier told us they looked like they were about to cry. It really touched us, and of course, neither pair knew who the other was or even what they looked like or anything about them, but it didn't matter. It really made our day, and hopefully we made someone else's too.

Number 50

I always thought I would be very excited when I reached the last ten weeks of the year, since it would be just a countdown until my completion. To be honest, I lost track of the weeks and no longer thought of it in a numerical sense anymore. Only the first month was "Water Running: Week Three" and such. But now that it is December and there are only two weeks remaining after this, I realized, this was my fiftieth new thing this year, that is as far as my book is concerned. It is a pretty amazing land mark. Had this goal not existed, how many new things would I have done? Ten? Five? I can promise you it wouldn't be fifty.

A few weeks ago before I owned a laptop and would go to the library to use their computers, I noticed a bulletin board with a sign announcing an anime club which meets the third Tuesday of every month (today!). It looked like a kids club to me. I used to work at the library two and a half years ago, and that was my perception of the anime club. The poster did say for ages 12+ however, so I thought, hey, I'm twelve plus! Sure maybe I'm more than twice that age, but that's okay! So I figured going to this kids club could very easily be my new thing this week.

I was a little late; I wasn't able to completely close my store until around 6:30, and the club started at 6:00. After pulling into the library parking lot, I actually felt a little nervous. Not the kind of nerves I felt before skydiving of course, but I admit, I noticed a little apprehension just doing this new thing. (Apparently that never wears off, but personally I kind of enjoy a few jitters every now and again.)

It was nothing like I expected. There was a group of people in the auditorium sitting around the overhead projector screen watching "Avatar", an Americanized Anime series on Nickelodean. The people there were not all twelve-year-olds; most of the people, I later learned, were probably around sixteen, and there were even several people my own age. It was the opposite of my visualization. I thought I'd be towering over elementary-aged children. I saw an episode of Dharma and Greg years ago when Dharma, very much the free spirit, decided she wanted to learn to play violin and joined a class where she could clearly be everyone's mom. My experience was not that dramatic.

So it wasn't exactly a kids class, more teenage, but it was still going out of my comfort zone by attending a club out of my age group. And as I want to learn Anime so I can teach other people how to draw it, this really was an ideal club to attend.